Single Mother?

I was reminded recently of an episode that occurred as a child when my father was pastoring a small country church. It was a typical little congregation, filled with saints and sinners.

One Christmas season, as we were preparing for whatever festivities that were going to be presented, arrangement was being made for the manger scene. This is where the problem began.

It so happened that a teenage girl in the congregation had recently given birth to a little boy. This is a wonderful thing, except that she hadn't bothered to marry the father. In spite of this little, shall we say, issue, the parents, more so the mother, of the girl approached my Dad with what they thought was the wonderful idea of using the little boy as Baby Jesus in the church pageant.

Now, my Dad was a Godly man who loved sinners and worked and prayed for their salvation. He was a moral man who felt that sexual activity and child births should be within a marriage. So, he tried, gently, but firmly, to explain to the parents and the young girl that he thought that that would be a really bad idea. He expressed, as best he could, that he believed that, while a child is just a child and certainly no fault lay with the child, it would set a bad example for the young ladies of the church to, (my words,) celebrate and glorify this birth and carry on as if there is actually nothing amiss in the given situation.

Needless to say, the parents and the girl did not understand nor share his views on contrition and humility. I don't recall them leaving the church, but I've known people to leave for less.

I thought of this because I recently read a post that someone placed on Face Book that shared an unnerving sentiment that I have heard expressed elsewhere. It caused me no small amount of consternation and it took what little self control I have to keep from lashing out at the poster.

The post itself, although it may have had good intent, was written by a good pro-lifer who was discussing our Christian attitudes toward women who had "unwanted" pregnancies. It went on to talk about how we need to love them and encourage them and do all we can, with compassion, to discourage them from aborting their innocent children. I was in pretty much full agreement until Mother Mary was dragged into the thesis and the author stated that even she was an "unwed mother." Sheesh!

I was incensed! As I said, I've heard this asinine argument before, but am constantly befuddled how someone of good intelligence and education can make such a statement. Even a quick study of the scriptures and a modicum of knowledge about Hebrew history tells us that, when she first became pregnant, Mary was legally betrothed to Joseph. Any honest definition of betrothal makes it clear that, for all intents and purposes, it is a legally binding marriage. Simply put, it is marriage without the benefits. The bride and bridegroom are to keep themselves pure for a the year or so until their actual marriage ceremony as, if nothing else, a sign that it was not a marriage of necessity. It would have even been necessary for Joseph to "put away," legally divorce, Mary, as it was his plan to do when he first learned of the child.

Fast forward to today's society. We live in a world where debauchery is the norm and many, too many women and men are breeders as opposed to truly being parents. For some years, I've heard a term tossed around carelessly that has become a gross misnomer and is bandied about in a most politically correct and abused manner. It is the term "single mother." I hear preachers, politicians and even people I work with using it in a fly-away fashion with no thought as to what it might truly imply.

Today, a "single mother" is defined, mostly, as a woman with a child where the father does not live with her. Now, that definition is scary at best. If a woman has a man's baby, but doesn't marry him, she is considered a "single mother." If a woman has a man's baby and lives with a different man, she is considered a "single mother." If a woman has a man's baby and is married to another man, she is considered a "single mother." One other definition might apply: If a woman has a man's child and he is deceased, she is likely considered a "single mother."

So, what's the difference? Simple enough!

If a woman is promiscuous and finds herself pregnant, if the man isn't present in her life, she will be considered a "single mother." If she marries a man, becomes pregnant, and tires of him or argues with him or whatever, if they divorce, she will be considered a "single mother." It matters little how involved or uninvolved in the child's life the man is.

I, incidentally, work with a young girl who seems desperately trying to become impregnated by the twice-her-age degenerate with whom she is keeping company. If she manages to do so, will she be considered a "single mother"? Certainly!

Politicians and talking-heads are constantly throwing this phrase around to describe women who, not so many years ago, would have been described merely as having low moral character. It would have been said that they had been better off if they had only practiced a little self control. Yet, if you say they should do so, you will be called, mean, heartless, insensitive and worse.

This entire line of reasoning has come to bother me more and more over the past few years. We have had to watch as thousands of young patriots have given their lives overseas, leaving wives and children behind who are left to struggle with the loss of a beloved husband and father. I think of Chris Kyle and his friend who were murdered by a deranged man leaving behind weeping and grieving loved ones. Many more have had similar losses over the years and we, (although the term seems to be more or less new,) refer to them as "single mothers."

The problem? Is there not a difference between a woman who finds herself in these circumstances through her own actions and woman who loses her husband in the line of duty as a soldier, fireman or policeman? Does the former really understand the situation of the latter?

Please don't misunderstand. I am glad today, when it is so easy to do otherwise, when a woman chooses life over death. Still, we have more choices than to simply praise them for their sin. We can love them in spite of their sin! We should be honest and set a moral example, making it clear that wrong is wrong and right is right, but praise the good choices while condemning the bad ones. Like my father, we should avoid elevating the sinful action without condemning the sinner.

Alas, today, political correctness and the desire for votes and viewers have declared that any woman, under any circumstances, who has a crumb-cruncher and no present father, is a "single mother." Her behavior and lack of self-control are never, ever called into question. She is given praise, acclaim and a government paycheck. All she is asked for in return, is her vote!