Fundamentalists and You

So much of what happens in Christianity is like “inside baseball.” It makes perfect sense to the fanatics who love and understand the game, (whoever they are,) but to the layman, the outsider, it’s all just a bunch of gibberish.

I once tried to explain the difference between Catholics and Baptists to a Japanese girl who was raised a Buddhist, but wasn’t really sure if she believed anything. I was a complete failure. All she could understand was that we both believe in Jesus.

Another difficult thing to explain is the difference between a Fundamentalist and, well, the rest of us. Now, if you are among the multitudes of lost souls who are on the outside looking in, you most likely see little if any difference. You certainly wouldn’t see what all the controversy is about. Don’t we all believe in Jesus?

A man I once thought I knew, whom I thought was wise, once told me, “There are some things I won’t even argue about. There are some things I will argue about. There are some things I will die for.” I think having the wisdom and discretion to know and relate the difference, is a challenge for most Christians. Especially when dealing with the profane.

Well, some differences simply aren’t worth worrying about. Some are desperately worth our concern. Just because someone can’t tell the difference doesn’t mean there is no difference. The question is only, are those differences worth the fight.

Many unbelievers or even believers with whom I engage in any sort of religious combat don’t understand why I am so repulsed by their attempt to label me as a Fundamentalist. They sometimes say, “Don’t you believe in Jesus?” Immediately, the answer is yes, but to attempt to explain further can, at times, be completely frustrating! There are some distinctions, very important ones at that, that cannot be explained in a simple enough sentence to allow their ignorant minds to comprehend the gravity, or lack thereof, of our disagreements.

While I do believe the KJV is inspired by God and that He actually built the universe in six days, they cannot seem to get it through their heads that there are massive differences between the average Fundamentalist and myself. I don’t like being called a Fundamentalist anymore than a Georgian likes being called a Tennessean. The average Yankee may not know the difference, but here in “Jesus Land,” we certainly do. After the same manner, simply because there is a similarity in doctrines, the discerning eye, the receptive heart and attentive ear will promptly observe the contrasts.

So, allow me, if you will, to enumerate some of the problems I find with “Fundamentalists” and the things to which they so passionately adhere. Some, I find laughable. Others, I occasionally, find revolting still, others are anathema to God’s Holy Scriptures.

1. Fundamentalists refer to the Bible as the “Word of God” when the Bible doesn’t even make that claim.

2. Fundamentalists say they take the Bible “literally”…except when they don’t.

3. Fundamentalists believe the book of Revelation is the last book of the Bible.

4. Fundamentalists believe a woman can’t be a pastor simply because she can’t be the “husband of one wife.”

5. Fundamentalists believe the “New Jerusalem” is Heaven.

6. Fundamentalists believe there are horses in Heaven.

7. Fundamentalists believe the streets of Heaven are paved with gold.

8. Fundamentalists think they’ll actually have a big house in Heaven.

9. Fundamentalists get angry when you disagree with them. They sometimes go so far as to say, “You don’t believe the Bible,” or “You must be lost,” or even, “You’re stupid!”

10. Fundamentalists believe the KJV is the “Bible” and all other versions are straight out of Hell.

11. Fundamentalists like to jump pews, love preachers who go “hah-hooey,” and think it’s really great when a preacher grabs a potted plant and runs around the sanctuary with it.

12. Fundamentalists don’t really know anyone outside of their little circles who are actually living right.

13. Fundamentalists have no doubt that Jesus retains the scars in His hands from His crucifixion. For some reason though, He doesn’t bear any of the scars from his beatings.

14. Fundamentalists believe Lucifer is Satan.

15. Fundamentalists believe that angels once had relations with human women and made babies who became giants.

16. Fundamentalists think that Satan was once God’s “number one” angel.

17. Fundamentalists say that when Jesus told the thief on the cross, “This day, thou shalt be with me in Paradise,” He didn’t mean Heaven.

18. Fundamentalists claim that there was a place between Heaven and Hell where God kept the Saints of old before the resurrection. No, I don’t mean Purgatory.

19. Fundamentalists tell poor, lost Jews that they are still “God’s people.”

20. Fundamentalists are more concerned with your sin than your salvation.

Certainly, not every mark of a Fundamentalist is in this list and not having all of them doesn’t disqualify you from fitting very neatly into this crowd. Yet, these are some of the symptoms I’ve found most egregious from my soirees into the dangerous world of modern American Christian Fundamentalism. A.K.A. the Fundamentalist Zone.

"Oops!"

My brilliant daughter never ceases to amaze me. She is insightful, wise, articulate and, I'm proud to say, spiritual. (I say this, of course, without any prejudice whatsoever.)

We were watching movies that dealt with the Passover this past week and were enjoying the 1956 version of "The Ten Commandments." I had just bought the fifty-year commemorative three-disk set. My darling daughter had never seen the movie, so it was a big thrill for me to share it with her.

Now, if you've seen the movie and remember the story, it seems that Moses, Charleton Heston, had tarried too long on Mt. Sainah and the people were restless, unruly and had given up hope, even to the point of coercing Aaron, John Carradine, into building an idol of gold for them to worship...a golden calf.

So, Moses, after receiving the Ten Commandments, is walking down the mount where he meets Joshua, John Derek. They hear a noise in the camp which Joshua incorrectly interprets as that of battle. Moses, on the other hand, knew it to be only the sound of singing.

In true C.B. DeMille form, Moses steps out on a pedestal of stone, an outcrop, with a looming and dark sky at his back, to look down upon the children of Israel with a look so cold it would freeze water. For the moment, the people continued their party, not even noticing the old man on the mountain. Then Joshua, who had joined Moses on the precipice, blew his trumpet.

Suddenly, at this point, everything in the film, just for the slightest instant, went quiet. The people all turned from their wickedness and silliness to stare, mouths agape, at Moses gazing down at them. That's when the scene stopped. There they were, caught in their sin. Here's where my baby girl showed her genius.

I was sitting on the couch next to my daughter, enjoying the drama of the moment. That's when it happened. I heard my little girl say something so profound, the brilliance of it almost, almost passed me.

"Oops!," she said. Then, we laughed until we cried.

Now, I can only imagine that other words and phrases less suitable for genteel company went through their minds. Still, they knew that they were busted and they knew it was now, so to speak, the end of their ends.

The old adage goes, brevity is the soul of wit. Sometimes, understatement is the soul of genius.

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Exodus 32
1And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.

2And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me.

3And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron.

4And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.

5And when Aaron saw it, he built an altar before it; and Aaron made proclamation, and said, To morrow is a feast to the LORD.

6And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.

7And the LORD said unto Moses, Go, get thee down; for thy people, which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves:

8They have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them: they have made them a molten calf, and have worshipped it, and have sacrificed thereunto, and said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which have brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.

9And the LORD said unto Moses, I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people:

10Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them: and I will make of thee a great nation.

11And Moses besought the LORD his God, and said, LORD, why doth thy wrath wax hot against thy people, which thou hast brought forth out of the land of Egypt with great power, and with a mighty hand?

12Wherefore should the Egyptians speak, and say, For mischief did he bring them out, to slay them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth? Turn from thy fierce wrath, and repent of this evil against thy people.

13Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, thy servants, to whom thou swarest by thine own self, and saidst unto them, I will multiply your seed as the stars of heaven, and all this land that I have spoken of will I give unto your seed, and they shall inherit it for ever.

14And the LORD repented of the evil which he thought to do unto his people.

15And Moses turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony were in his hand: the tables were written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other were they written.

16And the tables were the work of God, and the writing was the writing of God, graven upon the tables.

17And when Joshua heard the noise of the people as they shouted, he said unto Moses, There is a noise of war in the camp.

18And he said, It is not the voice of them that shout for mastery, neither is it the voice of them that cry for being overcome: but the noise of them that sing do I hear.

19And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.